And so now, here are my stories…

Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes, your heart just breaks in two. And sometimes, you get so mad at the world because you just can’t understand what is going on.

That’s how I feel. You know what is even more devastating… if I feel this awful, I can’t even begin to fathom how my husband, sister-in-laws, or father-in-law feels.

Last night I called to check in on Tom. He put me on speaker phone and asked, “Do you have any special memories of Nana? We are writing the obituary.” I got so choked up, I just couldn’t do it….And so now, here are my stories.

Tommy and I met when we were 19 years old and so for the better part of my adult life, I was blessed to have Kathy in it.

The day Tommy brought me home to meet his entire family at his aunt’s house, I was immediately greeted by this woman with short blond hair, a big warm smile, and an even bigger hug. THAT was who she was-the person that hugs someone she just met. I went home that night, and my mom said, “How were they?” “What were they like?”

I said, “A lot like us. They were all sitting there together laughing and enjoying their time together.” And that is what our family has been for over 20 years, Kathy, the matriarch making sure her family was always together, laughing and having a good time. There wasn’t a holiday, birthday, random Sunday dinner or even a phone call that wasn’t full of her laughter. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I saw her mad–I mean really pissed.

They say you marry a woman like your mom, and she and I were alike in a lot of ways. Loud, not afraid to say what had to be said, and fiercely protective of those she loved. As incredibly filled with friends, life, and love as she was, she kept her true inner circle incredibly small and tight. If you got in–you were in. And if not, well that was your loss. I guess I was in because up until the day she died I loved her fiercely and she loved me, too.

A few years back, Tom and I separated. It hadn’t been an easy road at all. When Tom told me he was leaving I called 2 people–my dad and Kathy. I was lost and didn’t know what to do. NEVER in a million years did I expect her to take sides or get angry with her son, but I knew if anyone in this world could get him to open up, it would be her. It took time, and Tom and I did the work, but she was the one who called me everyday to check in. She was the one who talked him through what was a very tough and confusing time. And it was she, who kept many of the secrets both Tom and I shared with her, never revealed to anyone, and never a judgement just love and support.

She’s walked me through many personal crisis. She’s listened to Tom and helped him remain patient with me when I was a raging bitch or crazy lunatic. She saw beyond even what Tom and I saw and was our biggest cheerleader. For that I have never said thank you enough, and I hope she knows how much her support meant to both of us. She and Tom Sr created the most beautiful human being. I see Kathy in my husband everyday–his love of laughter, his light hearted attitude, and of course his love of hugs. She certainly lives on in him–and all of her children–but I’m blessed to be married to one of them.

Her son, Tom has given me the gift of three wonderful children. Each time we told her we were expecting, it was always an occasion of joy–even when I was hormonal–like the time I was pregnant with JT. We were in Maine and my large German Shepherd decided to take a nibble of Kerri’s husband…..eek! I was MORTIFIED and burst into tears–9 months pregnant, worried, hormonal. I was so scared that the dog would eat my soon to be baby! She just grabbed me, hugged me and talked me down. I still giggle thinking about how fast Papa, Tom, and Mike scattered when those big fat tears rolled down my cheeks. She handled it like a pro–like the nurturer she was.

We spent sooooo many night on the porch in Maine. During the day, the kids would jump all over her, and she loved it. At night after they’d go to bed, she’d put on her robe, pour a glass of Chardonnay, and we’d sit on the porch and chat for hours. I’d wake the next morning, usually one of the first awake, get my coffee to be greeted by Nana shortly thereafter. We sit there, watch the Today Show and enjoy our caffeine. The coffee pot was always on and her heart and ears were always open.

Nana loved all of her grand-babies with reckless abandon. Many nights she’d get up with me when my girls refused to sleep. She’d would take them for a week at a time if Tom and I stole time away. She’d send cards every holiday–Easter, Valentine’s, even St. Patty’s day–always signed, Love Nana and Papa. AND she NEVER EVER let the kids go to bed with dirty feet! It was her thing….the kids would come in from the sandy beach and before they got in bed, those feet were washed like Jesus’ on Holy Thursday.

That sink in Maine has seen more feet and baby bottoms that I can recall. Every baby had a bath in that sink–all 8 of them from Connor to Maeve, washed, dried, and dressed in jammies by Nana. And don’t forget the HAT! That was her thing….all babies need a hat!

She danced at weddings. She cried at funerals. She smiled and laughed when the company was good–and when it was bad–well…..you knew.

Born on April 4, an Aries, Nana was A BOSS! So true to her sign… “Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and that’s pretty much how those born under this sign see themselves: first. Aries are the leaders of the pack, first in line to get things going…don’t be surprised if they can rally the troops against seemingly insurmountable odds—they have that kind of personal magnetism.” True to the Ram, Nana was “a bundle of energy and dynamism, kind of like a Pied Piper, leading people along with its charm and charisma” https://www.astrology.com/zodiac-signs/aries

Charm and charisma…that is who she was and who I will always remember. I hope her smile never leaves my memory because when I think of it, I feel joy. In the warm breeze that blows, I feel her hugs. In the sunshine on my face, I feel her presence.

Over 20 years of loving someone brings with it a wealth of memories, most of which I can’t remember now, being overcome with grief, but I know time will heal the hole we all feel.

Though she has passed onto eternal life, and I will miss her dearly. With ever fiber of my being, I believe, I HAVE to believe, that she knew her job here was done. She’d raised three wonderful people, married the love of her life, and saw her proudest legacy, her 8 grandchildren, grow into the amazing people that they are. I can almost feel her whispering in my ear now, “my job was done.” I can see her smiling down on us all watching the beautiful thing that she and Tom created. I’m so lucky to have been a part of it for 20+ years. I an even happier that others had to good fortune to know her much longer.

For Tommy, Kristen, Kerri, and all the kiddos, Nana lives in all of you….little pieces of her are reflected in each and every one of you. Her spirit forever lives on in you and through you. The best gift she gave us was each other and through maintaining that closeness she cultivated, we’ll forever have her with us.

From Broadway’s The Lion King:

They live in you (Hela hey mamela, hela)
They live in me (Hela hey mamela, hela)
They are watching over (Hela hey mamela, hela)
Everything we see (Hela hey mamela, hela)
In every creature (Hela hey mamela, hela)
In every star (Hela hey mamela, hela)
In your reflection
They live in you