Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness, Or So They Say….

Today I was up at 5:25 a.m. so that I could vacuum my house before work.  You must be thinking, oh, she’s having company later and doesn’t want to rush after work.  Perhaps you were thinking, oh no, the kids must have spilled a box of Rice Krispies.  You’d be wrong on both accounts.  I was up at 5:25 dusting and vacuuming my house simply because I wanted to.  I like a clean house.

Most of my friends think of me as a wee bit crazy when it comes to the housework.  They could regale you with stories of me refusing to leave until all “chores” were done or talk about my need to wipe my counters down, but if you think I’m bad now, you should have seen me BK (before kids).

Before I had kids, I would spend each Saturday cleaning my house from TOP TO BOTTOM.  Literally–I would wash walls, remove all curtains and put them in the dryer to “dust” them, scrub all bathrooms, mop all floors, shampoo the carpets, etc.  And guess what, it didn’t end there because I would pick small projects like alphabetizing my cd’s or canned goods or perhaps color coding my closet.  I would rotate projects like washing the ceiling fans orremoving the baseboard and vacuuming underneath.  I know, I know it seems a bit….much.

You must know, however, that when I was growing up I lived within walking distances of an Almacs.  I would save up all of my chore or babysitting money and I would walk to Almacs and buy whatever new cleaning product was available.  I LOVED to try them.  I bought Scrubbing Bubbles, Tilex, Pinesol…all of it!

Finally, when I got married, I registered for the most expensive and top of the line vacuum.  My grandmother bought it for me knowing my penchant for cleaning.  When I moved into my new house, my best friend bought me a new broom because my old one was worn down to a nub.  I’ve purchased countless mops, Swifter products, tried cleaning “hacks”, and own enough Mr. Clean erasers to have stock in the company.  My two favorite stores are the Container Store or Ikea because I can ORGANIZE, ORGANIZE, ORGANIZE!  During my last week of school, I purchased plastic baggies so I could separate my markers, pencils, pens, colored pencils, etc AND label them.  I mean, who wants to grab a pencil when they are reaching for a pen–Not I!

As I sit here, I am about to turn over a load of laundry–the slip cover from my couch because it just looked too dusty.  After I’m done, I might remove all of the items from my pot rack and dust them–again or wash all of my windows.  I wish I could say I know where all of this cleaning angst comes from, but I don’t.

My husband jokes that I’m sexually frustrated…but he and I both know that isn’t true. When I really think about it, yes, I actually do like cleaning and organizing, but I think a more important distinction to make is that I like a clean and organized house.  Of course, I’m being somewhat metaphorical here.  When I walk into any space that is dirty and/or disorganized, I actually experience physical discomfort–anxiety, nervousness, elevated heart rate, and all of that fun stuff.  Yes, I’m sure most of it is mental and I could be medicated, but the truth is I already take medication for my anxiety.  If I took any more, I’d be a walking zombie and that isn’t an option.

Some people can’t understand what it feels like to walk into a space that is a mess and have your mind feel completely discombobulated.  It is overwhelming, so I choose to stay proactive and keep both my physical and mental space nice and orderly.

If I am being totally honest, I would have to say that my cleaning is a little bit of a control thing for me.  I’ve made note that when things feel particularly chaotic in my life, I will dive deep into a cleaning project because it gives me a sense of stability, control, and accomplishment.  In other words, if I can’t control the events around me, I’ll control what I can.  I try hard not to let my kids and poor husband be subject to my tirades, but on occasion, they are the unfortunate victims of my self-diagnosed OCD or whatever it clinically would be labeled as.

As I’ve had kids, I’ve learned the necessity of letting things go.  Yes, I like my floors swept daily and things generally tidy, but I’ve learned to walk away from kid “clutter”.  It does DRIVE ME NUTS to see toys–even when organized–around the house.  I just hate excess, but my husband lovingly reminds me that the kids should have toys and that my house does not look like a junk yard.  But I can still color code the leggos, right?!

To me, my house will NEVER be clean enough or organized enough.  In fact, I’ll tell you a deep dark secret, when people come to my house, I am certain that they will think I look like I live in an episode of Hoarders.  I’m sure my house doesn’t look like that to you, but in my eyes, it sometimes does.

Not everything in my life is uber neat and clean.  I have my dirty little secrets, too….my skeletons in the proverbial closet.  In fact, my secret is a sort of closet– it is my dresser draws.  Don’t open them, at least not today until I get to them when I’m done with school.  My draws are overstuffed with t-shirts, leggings, pajamas, and whatever the hell else will fit in there.  And then….there is my car–a true trash can on wheels.  Honestly, it was so disgusting for a while it had a smell.  I got so tired of it, I pulled a Mommy Dearest on myself (cue NO WIRE HANGERS, but substitute food) and I went medieval on that car!  Now, my car is actually presentable and looks like an automobile.

Honestly, I’m OK with my crazy cleaning habits.  My kids have started chores around the house to help and I have the world’s BEST husband.  He always, always, ALWAYS helps me clean and amuses my kookiness, and truth be told, he is as anal retentive as I am  (we’re a real fun house, ha?!).  I guess that is why we need his ridiculous comic relief.  As I am in the middle of my daily couch vacuuming routine, he’ll come over and smack my ass or try to cop a feel.  It’s not sexy, but at least it keeps my crazies at bay.

xoxo

Positively Positive

Summer has begun and I’m still working…..  I shouldn’t complain right?  I know, I know, there is no other profession that gets 6-8 weeks off in the summer and 3 more weeks throughout the school year, PLUS weekends and holidays.  Yeah, I hear you.  However, I bet if you divided my salary by the number of hours I work, you would gasp….absolutely have the wind knocked out of you.  As a matter of fact, I was texting 2 of my students on Saturday–that’s right Saturday!  And guess what, its all OK, I love what I do and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Just yesterday I had my year-end review with my supervisor who is The Director of Curriculum.  Usually this can be a very daunting process for teachers.  You hear about what you did well, but all too often, as was the case in my old school,  you hear a bunch about what you didn’t do well and how you could be better.   There is always room for improvement, right?  Sure there is, but I wholeheartedly believe in capitalizing on what we do well to help us strengthen our weaknesses.

Case in point–my son.  In third grade, he was placed with a teacher that was not a good match for him–it was like she was his nemesis.  I’d get notes home a

bout how he needed to do better.  His work papers would only have critical notes.  At one point, in his little 9-year-old head I think he said, “Fuck it!  Why should I try if I’m never getting anything right.”  Suffice it to say, this is a kid who was a great student in second

grade.  His teacher that year was warm, encouraging, silly, and made learning FUN!

 

 

At some point in third grade, JT started to dislike school.  At one point, he was the kid who ran to the bus because he liked school so much and at this point, he would drag his feet to get ready in the morning.  I was teaching 3rd grade at the time too, so I was all too familiar with the pressures of a third grade teacher, but this was concerning to me as a mother, and it was time to send an email to his teacher.

In my email, I asked her about her feedback to JT and suggested that she try to positively frame her feedback.  JT is a lot like me.  We need to know that we are doing well.  We don’t mind criticism and are very  aware of our own shortcomings, therefore when someone else harps on us, we get very angry at ourselves.  We are our own worst critics–truly, so when we only hear what we are doing wrong, we get

stuck in this vicious cycle of ONLY trying to fix the wrong instead of capitalizing on the good.  Think of it as always having a  Simon Cowell in your head 24/7………

 

 

The same year that JT was experiencing this feeling of failure, I too was experiencing this feeling as a teacher.  His teacher and I talked about his need for positive feedback and then things turned around a bit.  The following year, in fourth grade, his year was much stronger.  I wish I could say my year teaching third grade went as well, but I’d be lying if I said that.

My first full-time year as an elementary school teacher was horrendous.  It wasn’t necessarily bad because it was my first full year of teaching, but I was in a school where my professional and personal beliefs were grossly at odds.  It isn’t that I’m this holier than thou type of person, but I was in a constant state of disequilibrium and I couldn’t reconcile what I believed in and what I was getting paid to do.   As is true of my personality, I would push  back and speak up about my  feelings.  I advocated for myself, but somehow I was constantly drowning in the environment.  I LOVED the kids and staff equally and I even still believe in the mission of that school, but I could never get past their pedagogy and bureaucracy.   Thankfully, in the Spring of that year,  I was blessed with the opportunity to teach where I am now–The Met!

Never in my life I have felt so successful as a professional.  Going to my year-end evaluation was “proof in the pudding”.   Finally, I was getting feedback on things I was doing well, with suggestions to make my practice stronger.  I was thanked– YES, THANKED–for my hard work and dedication.  The things that I had set out to do in September were recognized.  I almost felt like I was living in a parallel universe!  Finally, I got it right!  Leaving  the meeting inspired, I was now ready to tackle anything head on.  The power of positivity really is an amazing thing.

I think this is something important that we tend to forget in life.  All too often it is so easy to get caught up in the negativity.  Maybe if we tried to positively frame what we wanted in life instead of lamenting about all that goes wrong, we’d have a better chance of meeting our goals.  It feels more achievable to think positively about what we want instead of thinking about the deficiencies we face.

Instead of thinking about all of the money that I don’t have, I’d prefer to feel fortunate to have a house over my head and food in my stomach.

Instead of being upset about the extra pounds I’ve accumulated, I am so thankful that I have a husband who still finds me attractive even when sitting in a threadbare t-shirt with no makeup.

Instead of being sad that I wasn’t able to have more children because of health complications, I am ever so blessed to have the three most amazing kids in the world.

Instead of complaining about my meager salary, I am so happy to have a boss who encourages me to grow as an educator and who has helped to foster my self-confidence in the classroom.

Instead of being sad about all of the don’ts, I am so happy about all of the do’s.

 

Summer Eats

There is nothing more I love than a nice summer meal.  Give me something that is light or easy to prepare and I’m game.  Especially if it’s a “no cook” meal, I’m one happy camper.  Who wants to light a hot stove on a muggy 90 degree day?  Not I!  We set the table in our screened in porch off the kitchen, have the fan going for a light breeze, and enjoy the warm summer air as we dine on delicious seasonal vegetables from the local farmer’s market or some dayboat fish from just off the coast of RI.  The charcoal grill smell makes my mouth water as I sip on an icy cold beer.

One of  my favorite recipe websites that I use to help lower the calories is skinnytaste.com.  Gina Homolka is the author, photographer, and recipe developer on skinnytaste.com and her recipes have yet to fail me.  Last night, with the beautiful weather on tap, I decided to make her Healthy Baked Fish Sticks with Lemon Caper Sauce and  on the side I prepared a cucumber salad and baked steak fries. Thinking of the tastes of summer, ease of recipe, and lightness, I would rate this meal a definite 10 out of 10!

To make this recipe you use fresh white fish (I used Cod) cut up into 1 inch strips.  You then dip the fish in a combination of egg whites, lemon juice, Dijon mustard, and spices before dredging it into panko breadcrumbs and lots of seasonings.  Once coated, you baked in the oven for about 15 minutes.  The result was a mouth-watering fish that the whole family enjoyed.  In fact, it was so enjoyable, I took some leftovers for lunch.

Taking fish as leftovers is a big crap shoot. Most times it smells if reheated, gets chewy and dry, and is generally disgusting as a leftover.  Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when I microwaved my lunch for a quick minute.  It was just enough to take the chill out and still be flavorful and crunchy and the dipping sauce was even better after sitting a day.

About that dip–when I went to make dinner last night, I noticed that I was missing the dip’s two most important ingredients, chives and capers.  Creativity time!  I’ve had a hankering for some good old-fashioned Creole flavor, so instead of the chives and capers I added a bunch (1 TB or so) or Cajun seasoning and a dash of onion.  YUMMY–the kind of sauce that you want to scoop out with a spoon.

To compliment the fish sticks I made a fresh cucumber salad.  If you ask me, there is nothing like fresh veggies in the summer.  To make this super easy and refreshing salad, you slice 2 cucumbers and 1 small onion.  Next you make a brine of apple cider vinegar, lots of dill, a little water, a bit of sugar, and salt.  I let it marinate for over an hour.  The results were so light and delicious!

Summer time eating really is the best.  I think tonight I might make some grilled chicken tacos or a breakfast “salad” with REAL bacon.  Guess what—it’s is all healthy and real food!

Skinnytaste, you’ve done me well again!  Another winner in the books.  As my husband says, I give you the big standing O!

 

Life Through A Lens

I haven’t posted in a while; one week to be exact.  I guess that is because I’ve had so many wonderful things going on in my life.  All of these “things” are memories in the making.  Days filled with family, laughter, and love.  Most of all, these are the moments that I am watching my children grow and change into beautiful human beings.  I don’t know if it is normal, but I am enamored of my kids.  Each day they amaze me more and more.

Recently when at a concert I saw a woman “watching” the show through her camera lens.  Don’t get me wrong, I have been guilty of this many times myself, but I thought to myself, hmmmm….it is one thing to capture memories, but it quite another to experience life through a device.  I have to remind myself of this periodically.  Life is for living and enjoying.  Our experiences should be rich and genuine and not experienced from behind some electronic device.

Yesterday, I noticed this in a big way.  Maeve–my youngest, my baby, my mini-me–graduated from Kindergarten.  As I was recording some of the ceremony on my phone, I realized that I was not truly enjoying the fullness of the experience because I was too focused on getting her in the picture fully or the volume of the video.  Really, I should have been intently looking at my daughter, watching her silly expressions, savoring the moment.  Of course it is OK to get those moments on film, too; I simply think that we shouldn’t live our lives behind a lens.

So, I put down the camera and enjoyed fully.  Here, though, are some of the moments that I caught of this right of passage for my baby.

More Moments to Enjoy

Here are some amazing moments from my past week.  I tried to find a happy balance between capturing the moment on “film” and actually enjoying in real-time.

Maddie’s gymnastics recital  This year my Pippy (aka Maddie) joined a gymnastics gym for the first time.  Up until her first class, she taught herself EVERYTHING she knew about cartwheels, hand stands, flips, etc.  She had done such an amazing job that they immediately moved her to the advanced class.  Here is Maddie at her end of season showcase with less than six months of official training.

 

Graduation! –   On Thursday night my seniors walked the stage at Providence Performing Arts Center for their graduation.  What an impressive ceremony!  Graduation sure has changed since my 21 years in high school.  There were multiple performances.  There was a coordinated light show and there was more joy and inspiration in that room that anything I’ve ever experienced.  It was really worth my full attention, but again, here are some memories from that night.

Left– Melissa and I waiting for the grad’s to take stage!  As staff, we all processed in just before the kids.  So moving to see them all walk in and pumped up!

Right– HERE WE GO!!!  PPAC marquis!  So amazing!!!

Below– Some of my “favorites”.  Even though, as teachers, we “shouldn’t” have favorites, these are some of the kiddos in which I’ve mad really nice connections.

This weekend-  This weekend was a really blessed weekend.  My in-laws officially retired at the end of last year and decided to sell their family home of 40+ years.  Now they are so lucky to spend time snowbirding between Maine and Florida.  Since we couldn’t make it to Florida this winter, we are trying to maximize our time with then in Maine this summer.  On Friday night, the girls and I made the 3.5 hour journey up to Brownfield.  We were greeted with big hugs and a warm welcome.  Tommy and JT joined us Saturday morning.

After a day of hanging out at the cottage and then later doing a little shopping in town, the adults all went out for a very nice dinner at a restaurant in Cornish, ME known as Krista’s.  As a foodie, I find it difficult to find really great eats in this region of Maine.  Occasionally, we will stumble upon a gem, but often we find run of the mill diner style food or “fake italian” (chicken patty with jarred sauce that passes as chicken parm).  Krista’s was a pleasant surprise in an otherwise quiet Maine town.

We arrived just 5 minutes late for our 6:30 reservation and were greeted by a pleasant host at the door.  She informed us that our table was almost ready, but the people ahead of us were just delivered the bill.  Since we were standing around, we decided to ask for beverages at the bar.  I stood at the bar for a good ten minutes without so much as a smile or being addressed.  Thank goodness for the server who walked over and recognized this.  Not only was our table not ready, but we were really hoping for some drinks on this muggy Maine night.  She recovered nicely though and recommended my new official summer drink (Stoli Oranj, ginger ale, and pineapple juice).  Shortly thereafter she brought this yumminess along with my two wines for us ladies.

About 20 minutes later the people at our table FINALLY decided to call it a night and we got to sit.  There were 6 of us, so we decided to start with a round of appetizers.  We ordered crispy fried calamari and the stuffed jalapenos.  As a native Rhode Islander I am VERY particular about my calamari, after all it is the official state food.  My grandfather, a retired chef, made THE BEST EVER calamari.  When my brother-in-law ordered it, I thought in my head, they have big shoes to fill.  Well……I approve!  The calamari was light, crispy, and slightly salty and the chipotle aioli was a nice change over the usual vinegar banana peppers.  As for the other appetizer, when you think stuffed jalapenos, one normally things of a jalapeno stuffed with cheese.  These particular stuffed jalapenos were actually full of a light bread stuffing slightly reminiscent of a thanksgiving.  Overall the flavor profile was good, but given the same option next time, I’d opt to try the Thai mussels or the homemade potato chips served in an apple cider bacon gorgonzola cream sauce.

One of the highlights of the evening was the salad.  Each entrée is served with the house salad which is on a bed of baby greens.  The house dressing is amazing and the french fried onions in combination with the dried cranberries made my tongue do a happy dance.  In full disclosure, I’m a salad person, but I have to say, this set high expectations for the dinner that lay ahead.

Of the 6 of us, 3 of us ordered the same entrée, a pistachio crusted haddock.  I’ll let the menu description do the talking: pistachio crusted served on basmati rice with lemon aioli.  On top of the delicious rice was a hearty piece of haddock, not one of those 1/4 inch pre-frozen fillets.  It was delicous and it was accompanied by freshly sautéed vegetables. Veggies, being my thing, were seasoned perfectly and still lightly crunchy, but my favorite part of the dish was the finger licking lemon aoili!  The portions were super generous, too.  I certainly could have taken home leftovers had I stopped myself from gorging.  My mother in law had the ravioli special.  It was a spring pea stuffed ravioli in a lobster cream sauce.  Lobster in Maine…..sure thing!  She reported it was delicious and the presentation was flattering.  Here are a few pics of the meals!

Aside from the great food, the best part of the evening was the time that we got to spend together as a family.  We chatted. We laughed.   We shared some decadent desserts.  Bottom line… we had a really nice time and I wish we could do it more often.  Krista’s–thanks for a great evening.  For the ambiance, the food, but most importantly the company I give you two thumbs up!

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So yes, grab the camera and capture those moments, but don’t spend your life behind the lens.  Sure you may capture something, but you are missing out of the richness of the human spirit and experience.  Life is about living and taking part, not observing passively.  Enjoy, take hold and live each day as if it were your last.

xoxo

Another shit show

86 degrees at 8:55 am and getting hotter.  I run to my car, already behind for the day, teacher bag, purse, lunch bag, and shake in hand, tripping on my espardrilles, and get into my car.  I turn the key, back out of the driveway and head to work.  I pick up my phone to use talk to text and send a quick message to my work bff to let her know, as per usual, another shitshow at the Twiggs house and I’m late.   1.5 miles down the street and the car starts to sputter….putt putt putt…..I look at my gas tank.  It says in BIG.BOLD.LETTERS, FUEL LEVEL LOW.  I start to panic….. the now text to talk message takes a different turn.

You might ask, how in the world does a 39-year-old grown ass woman run out of gas when her car TELLS HER IT IS LOW!  Well, if you aren’t wondering, I was thinking that very thing to myself this morning as I sputtered down the busiest road in Scituate, RI–the famous pothole alley- with big rigs whirring by me.

Yesterday was Tom’s first day at his new job.  As a HVAC service tech, he receives a company van.  Tom’s new company, Atlantic Mechanical, is based out of Weymouth, MA.  Yesterday morning at 5:30 a.m., he left our home, hiked up to Weymouth in our Honda Pilot got his van and worked a grueling 13 hour day.  Did I mention that it was 90+ degrees out and he fixes AC?  Anywhoo-after a long day at work, I rush home to relieve my dad, make a delicious fish dinner, and meet a contractor for a price on the work we need done on the house.  Tommy rolls in after 6:30 with the new ride, we eat, and then we all hop back into my car and head back up to Weymouth at 7:30.

Weymouth is approximately an hour ride from my home.  We chat on the way up and try to problem solve some scheduling issues this week and we make a quick grocery list.  Mind you our conversation is peppered with commentary from the kids like “Are we there yet?!?!  How much longer???”  Finally, we reach Weymouth at 8:30, Tom hops out with grocery list in hand and gets in his car and we say we’ll meet at home.  I drive off.

5 minutes into the ride Maeve says “Mom, I really have to go to the bathroom.”  “Maeve, there is no bathroom around, can you just hold it?”  “OK, I’ll try”.

You should know here, the kids normal bedtime is at 8:30.  The 10-year-old is already sleeping in the back seat because of the busy field day earlier, my middle one is doing the fast fade, and Maeve is doing the pee pot shuffle.  I’m cruising down 93 south at a comfortable 80 mph when the fuel level low light comes on.  I know I have a bit to go, but I also know that I have several miles before I’m in the OH SHIT! zone.  With the thought of exhausted peeppeee dancing kids in my head I roll the dice and press on to North Scituate.

I should have known better….NEVER GAMBLE.  I always lose–always.  It would have been one thing if my car told me the number of miles I have left, but NOPE, I have the one model that only says fuel level low.  I’m a data person.  I really should have known that I didn’t have enough data to make that decision…. stupid, stupid me.

We get home, I put the kids to bed and roll into bed.  Tomorrow is another day, right??  Sure is…..

Next morning (this morning) I get into the car and again, roll the dice.  “Oh, I can make it 3 miles.”  See above….clearly not.

It has been said of me that I am very book smart but completely lacking in common sense.  This story is a gross case in point.

And before you ask, no, I don’t have AAA.  Again, why do something that makes sense??

Thankfully, a good friend drove by me as I was calling my husband up in Mattapan, MA.  He drove me home to get the gas can in the shed.  Thankfully it had enough gas in it to allow me to roll 2 miles to the Cumberland Farms.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Dave for saving my life!  I vow to NEVER make a decision like that again.  I promise Gas Gods, I will never defy you again.  Let it rain gas on me!

Talk about a lesson learned…

 

I have a confession to make

I have a confession to make.  I am the anti-PTA mom.   I have even openly admitted to hating PTO/PTA moms!!  I wanted to start an anti-PTA mom group!!!  BUT before I get lynched and blacklisted by some of the moms at my kids’ school, whom I consider friends, let me explain….

In all honesty, I was never a fan of the PTA because of what I thought the PTA looked like; you know, the cardigan wearing, gluten-free snack making, perfect nails, and matching pumps kind of mom.  I’m talking about the mom that arrives at school 10 minutes before dismissal with her pearly whites AND pearls with her impeccably applied red lips. This is the kind of mom that even the principal fears because she reeks of perfection and Chanel perfume.  These are the moms I “hate” because I am the mom rolling up 5 minutes past dismissal looking ragged from work, hair in a messy bun, slip running down my legs, deodorant worn off and mascara running down my cheeks.  I am a hot mess most of the time.  In my house it is minute to minute disaster recovery and this level of perfection scares the bejesus out of me.

When my big guy first went to school, I joined the PTA.  My first meeting went like this: “Can you believe so-and-so.  She thinks she’s so great.”  “This one thinks she does so much, but I do all of the work.”  “Oh, we just let her think she’s doing something and then we do all of it.”  It was all snarky looks and eye rolling as different women left the room.  As they returned there were just too many fake smiles for me.

One day, I offered to make some meatballs and gravy for one of our events, to which the other moms were super grateful; but, when I mentioned that I would not like to be reimbursed because I want to contribute to our school, this was the response, “Oh No!  Make sure you submit your receipts.  It adds up over time and then they just won’t pay you.  It’s too much!”  Mind you, the tone was not of one of concern for my wallet; rather, it was more of a stick it to the man kind of tone.  Needless to say, this all left a very bad taste in my mouth.  Next year, I declined to join. After that, I went back to teaching and life just became too busy.

If am going to be honest, which I usually try to be, I think a part of me didn’t like “PTA” moms because I was a little bit jealous.  I was jealous that they were able to be with my kids during the day when I went off to work to save someone else’s kid.  I am constantly questioning myself wondering if I made the right decision in deciding to work.  On the one hand, the MOST important job in the world is to raise your kids properly.  I’ve always said, if I can’t raise my kids to be respectful, thoughtful, critically responsible citizens than I am doing this world NO favors.  On the other hand, I think that it is super important for my children, especially my girls, to see an independent woman who is able to care for herself and provide for her family.  AHHH….which is the right answer???

Anywhoo–I chose option B.  Working as a teacher allows me that balance between mom and career and I am so happy I chose this option, but there are times I feel so guilty because I can’t be at school with my kids for all of the plays, presentations, and the like.  I am lucky, however, to live in a community where I have made great friends who help support me in my decision.

Case in point-the North Scituate Elementary PTO.  If any day to change my mind about who and what the PTO is, it was today. Today I took an extended lunch so I could visit my kids during their field day picnic.  What I saw of the moms there, was nothing like my initial experience and thank GOD for that.  These moms were amazing.  Not only did they know all of the kids in the school, but they were kind and caring.  Some of these moms are my friends.  Some have sit around my campfire doing shots of Fireball with me.   I have joked along with lots of these moms, swearing like sailors, and talking about things that would make most men blush!  None of them wear cardigans, at least not buttoned up  , none of them had that perfectly applied lipstick, and get this–some of them made cookies!  Yes–cookies with sugar and REAL flour and REAL CHOCOLATE.  It may not have even been organic!  Now that’s how I roll!  THIS is my kind of PTA.  I’ve never been much of a joiner, but that is only because I march to the beat of my own drummer.  At least at this PTA, these moms weren’t the picture of perfection-they were the picture of normal, and that was reassuring.

I have to say, I am thankful for the “awakening” that I experienced today, and I have to admit that I am immensely grateful for those moms who are there to hug my kids when I can’t and to keep an eye on them for me.  I really, truly miss the days of being able to volunteer for a field trip, but I am also proud of the foundation that I have built for my children.  I am sad that I get to miss those moments, but I am so thankful for the friends that take those pictures and text them to me (not all PTA moms…lol).  Thank you ladies, for showing up, for your support, dedication, hard work and TIME!  You are there and I am so happy to have you there making sure our kids school is the best.  I might not be able to do as much as I like, but I truly do appreciate all that you do.  Most of all, I like the realness of you all.  Thank you for not being the super stuffy, too tight bun, perfectly tight ass, glossy lipstick, Givenchy wearing, stuck up, my kid is better than your kid kind of mom.  That mom-I have not time for.  For all of you real moms, xoxo

 

Trying to Roll with the Punches

Today started out beautiful.  My beautiful little spitfire turned 8.  I hopped out of bed at 6:15, pulled up the Beatles “Birthday” song and ran up to the kids bedrooms singing and dancing.  They all came downstairs to a breakfast of waffle ice-cream sundaes (yes, icecream for breakfast), presents and birthday sign from Daddy.  It was great!  We had fun, the mood was light, and even the sun began to shine (barely….)

And then…I came to work…. (insert daunting music here).  Actually I love my job.  Everyday, I truly love my job, but today, was the kind of day that left me shaking.  My plan was to give a certification exam to the kids.  This certification exam can be a tricky one for the kids, but when you add technical difficulties on top of it–for-get-it!  Knowing this, I put in several IT requests before hand so that the kids could start their tests.

5 kids show up, ready to roll.  My palms start sweating.  I give the students their exam vouchers, as a bead of sweat rolls down my cheek.  They enter the vouchers.  It works!  I start to breathe again.  They enter their personal information and hit submit……..the request for a Java update came….my stomach starts to turn.  The IT guys update Java and the screen goes back to the previous screen.  I start to pace.  The IT guys are getting nervous, the students are antsy, and it’s getting hotter by the second.  After all the preparation, it feels like I’ve been punched in the face.

THANK YOU JESUS for Lexapro or else I would have lost my shit.  I wanted to grab the fucking computers and hurl them out the window one by one as the crashed and burned on our quad, symbolizing my feelings toward standardized computer testing!  But alas, I composed myself, plastered on THE biggest fake smile I can muster, and ask the kids politely to follow me while IT “works out” the problem.  The only thing they needed to workout was the look of death emanating from my baby browns!

The kids surf the net while I try to get myself back to zero.  Ten minutes later, I get a request for one kid to try again.  After a quick game of rock, paper, scissors, PJ takes one for the team and heads back up.  A few short moments later, the poor kids comes back looking defeated, at no fault of his own, because the !@#$%^& program would not cooperate.  We decide  to say EFF IT!!  We reschedule, the kids go back to advisory, and I head upstairs to fix this mess as best I can.

But despite the chaos, I later walk into my office and see this gem–beautiful evidence of all the work my kids do–and I DO refer to them as my kids.  Here is the invitation to graduation.  My heart swells with pride with what these kids accomplish and I am beyond honored to have a part in it.  These are the little snippets of sunlight that I need to get through life’s left hooks.

This year has been one hell of a whirlwind for me.   Last week my boss asked me to draw a picture that represents my year.  I drew a tree.  Like a tree, I finally have strong roots in the ground and my branches are spreading up toward the sun. Unlike last year, I finally feel like I am growing professionally and this is what keeps me plugging everyday.  I love all of my kids and despite the daily annoyances, I walk in each morning happy to be doing what I do.

Tomorrow is another day.  We‘ll get through it and my kids will always shine in my eyes, but rest assured, if this testing service acts up, I WILL dropkick the computers out the lab window.  Sayonara suckers!

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. – Henry Adams

At my school each and every senior writes a Valedictorian speech.  Each kid is considered a valedictorian.

How is that even possible?  How can each student have the highest GPA in the class?  The answer–they don’t.    In fact, we don’t even give “grades” at our school.  Our report cards are completely narrative based, therefore there is no such thing as a GPA.

At The Met, our philosophy is one student at a time and we mean it.  Each kid creates his/her own program based on his/her interests, passions, and curiosities.  They engage in Real World Learning (an actual Met term) through internships and real life experiences and at the end of it all they graduate with an incredible resume of experience and a large portfolio that is evidence of their learning.

Therefore, each kid is the valedictorian of his or her own program and each kids gets to write a Val speech.  Today was the first time I ever witnessed the Val speeches, Met style, and I can’t even begin to explain how proud I am to be a part of this incredible community with some of the most amazing kids I’ve ever had the privilege of getting to teach.

Over this year, I have developed some truly wonderful relationships with the kids that have come through my classroom, but there is one kid that has left a particularly big impression on my heart.  Kristen, AKA Rita, came into my room in September.  If you asked me to describe Rita when I first met her I would have said she is slow to warm up, stays close to the people she knows, and feels odd contributing in class.  Her best friend Francisco also took my class and they were like two peas in a pod.  From time to time they would drive me crazy with their laughter and chatting or cracking jokes at the just the right time.

A few weeks into the program, Rita and I struck up a conversation about our mutual love of reading.  She told me that she really loved romance novels and I told her that what I read depended on my mood and what I was doing in my life at that moment.  The next week she came in with at least 5 books that she had read to share with me and I brought her in the novel I had just finished.    Our conversations progressed week to week about reading and writing.  I came to learn that Rita had a huge passion for writing and that at the tender age of 16 or so, she published a children’s book and she brought it in for me to read.  She had also written a heart wrenching story that she shared with me and asked for my feedback.

Soon our time in class together ended, but somehow I knew that wouldn’t be the end of our relationship.  Shortly after winter break, I received an email from Rita asking to catch up.  We met at Au Bon Pain and caught up over a latte and machiatto while she showed me the progress on her latest writing.  We met like that over the next several months until she enrolled in another of my classes during the third trimester.

Though I absolutely adore her, I figured I was not much more than just another teacher that had come into her life.   I guess I underestimated the impact I had on her life because a few short weeks ago she asked to attend her Val speech and to sign her high school diploma.

Graduating high school was a big deal for Rita, as she was only the 2nd person in her family to officially graduate, and the only one with aspirations to go to college.  Her val speech was nothing short of wonderful, and totally filled with the uniqueness of her.  She said that I reawakened her love of writing and that in our one year together, I helped to shape her high school experience.  She said she appreciated me and that we shared a unique bond (mostly over our mutual obsession with serial killers–not to become, but to study, lol) and it meant the world to hear that I was willing to listen to her.  I can’t even begin to do her speech justice, but suffice it to say that it touched my heart in ways few people ever do.

 Every single day I go to work saying that I love my job.  Theses kids fill my life with such joy and allow me to bear witness to the possibilities that life has to offer when you are persistent.  I always knew that the biggest intrinsic reward in teaching was changing a kid’s life, but boy, I never knew how amazing it could be.

Rita and I have already made plans to see each other after school.  We are going to see the new movie about Ted Bundy starring Zac Efron and we regularly exchange emails about the goings-on around us.  She lives in one of my favorite Providence neighborhoods, so I know when I am there, I will stop by to see her.  Maybe she’ll even join me at the beach this summer.  I am just so excited for the journey that this young adult is about the embark upon.  Her uniqueness, kind spirit, and relentless loyalty will serve her well.

Rita, as the old Irish blessing says, my wish for you is this: