I’m in such a funk these past few days and I just can’t seem to shake it. I know I need to pull up my big girl panties and march forward, but lately, it feels like two steps forward and ten steps back.
There has been this constant feeling of being overwhelmed and no matter where I look or what I do, I am behind the 8 ball. My school work is piling up. I can never seem to get ahead at work and I am fighting so hard for my kids to care about their schooling as much as I do.
And don’t even let me get started about my personal life. I’m short with my kids and husband and have NO patience. My house looks like an episode of Hoarders and bits and pieces of me are dying inside. Easy Mac has become a regular on the weekly menu. My waistline is growing, my eyelids are drooping, and my bank account constantly is being diminished.
Oh, of course, there is this…the relationship I keep trying to rebuild with my mom. I am trying so hard to be the daughter I should be to my mom, but as each day goes by, I feel shittier and shittier about our relationship. I try, I really do. But….I ask myself every day–am I trying hard enough? And then I start over again….
But WAIT, there’s more! Friends!!! I NEVER get to see them or at least not enough. I blow them off, I miss commitments, I reschedule…I’m terrible.
Every day I feel like a failure…EVERY.DAY.
Imagine me in the middle of a circle with 13,000 different ropes pulling me in many directions….that is how my life feels.
I know that I am the one who can control this. I have to learn to set healthy boundaries in my life, if not for my mental sanity, but for the health of my family. It is a hard truth, but I am the one that has to make the changes. I have to STOP that self-hate talk.
So….. if lately, I am a little pissy, please forgive me. If I say, “No thank you,” please excuse me. If I mysteriously bow out of plans, I hope you will understand. My sanity is at risk and I need to take a step back from this world and all of its demands on me so I can re-group.
Maybe a little yoga is in order or a date with my dad, but nonetheless, I just need some time. So in advance, I’m sorry, but I will resume regular programming soon.
All 4'7" of me 