January | 2021 | All 4'7" of me

This morning I danced naked in front of my bathroom mirror. I’m not sharing this to give anyone the willies or to put images you’d rather not have in your head, but I’m sharing this because, at some level, I finally reached a moment of self acceptance. You should know, I don’t just normally stand naked in front of a mirror. Quite the contrary. For 43 years, I’ve done everything in my power not to look at myself, feeling totally disgusted at what I see.

This morning, I was getting in the shower and a great song came on and my feet just started moving. I glanced over at the mirror and for the first time in 43 YEARS...I was not completely nauseated by what I saw. In fact…I smiled. I smiled at the gentle curves. I smiled at the c-section scars from 3 beautiful kids. This might be TMI here, but I even smiled at the now not-so-perky boobs. For one brief second, I just accepted myself–as I was– as God and The Universe intended me to be. And it felt great. Wow….the power in that. And then…I danced a little harder.

I wish this occurred for me more often and I certainly hope that I will feel this way as the days turn. I do know, though, that I am a work in progress, like a sculpture that is never complete and always changing. I am trying hard to live what I preach to my kids–accept yourself as you are and don’t place value in your physical being. Easier said than done.

I look at my children every day and I am not only in awe of who they are and who they are becoming in personality, emotional well being, and the like, but I look at them and find such beauty in their physical being. To me, they are the picture of perfection. I want JT, Maddie, and Maeve to feel the peace of accepting who they are physcially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. But first, to truly encourage that in them, I have to live those words myself. And today, I finally had on brief moment of full acceptance of who I am, where I’ve been, how I’ve grown, and where I am going.

To all of you who talk to yourself as if you are your own biggest enemy, start small. Look in the mirror and find ONE SMALL thing you like. Maybe it is your eye color or the way the shirt fits you. Maybe even smaller. But start–start finding things about yourself to celebrate no matter how small. One day, you will look in the mirror and just smile. And why not? Why shouldn’t you?

I truly believe if we as a human race were a little more accepting of ourselves, faults and all, we’d live in a much more harmonious world. We’d stop judging others because of the insecurities we feel. So love yourself a little, if not today, tomorrow. But do it…just love YOU!

xoxo

In February of last year, my family and I decided to add to our family once again and adopted a 75 lb Bloodhound-German Shepherd mix. We didn’t know much about him at all except that he came up from Memphis, TN and was told he was kid, cat, and dog friendly.

I saw him on the Rhode Home Rescue Facebook page and immediately fell in love. Much to Tom’s chagrin, I put in an application. A few days later the resuce emailed me to tell me that he had a potential adopter, but we’d be next in line. Feeling hopeless, the kids and I decided to go to the next “event” and see what else was available. I walked in and there Brandy was! I asked about his status and they said the potential adpoters never showed up, never called, and since I had proof that we were next in line, he was ours!!! The kids and I were so EXCITED. We bought him a bed and some dog food then jumped in the car and came home.

We opened the door to the house and he went right in. Needless to say, Tom was a little shocked we brought home a dog….and believe me integrating a 75 beast into your already busy family was not easy and without its setbacks. Nonetheless, its almost one year later, and I honestly don’t know what life was like before we had the old grouchy stinky dog, but we love him.

For me, I not only gained a walking partner, but I gained a soul that has bestowed upon me some of life’s most important lessons. Theses lessons are so simple, but yet over 42 years I have managed from time to time to forget their importance, yet he reminds me everyday.

Lessons From Brandy:

Greet everyone with a smile and a soul full of joy. Every time you walk into my house you will see this completely dopey dog wagging his helicopter tail with a big goofy grin on his face to say hi. He doesn’t care if you’ve had a shit day or if you are on top of the world, he just wants you to know that he is happy to see you! I mean, he’s a TERRIBLE guard dog, but there is some comfort knowing that each time I walk in the door I am met with joy, gratitude, and general silliness.
Look at each meal in front of you as a gift. No, it may not be your mom’s lasagna. Yes, the server brought you the wrong temperature on your steak. However, the food in front of you was prepared for you, as a gift, as a labor of love, and like Brandy, approach that meal with thanks. Brandy wags his tail just the same if I offer him the fat from my steak, a piece of popcorn, or his kibble. It doesn’t matter, he’s grateful and happy. What a profound lesson. Especially with so much food insecurity in this world, if you are blessed with enough food to eat, why not be grateful for it?
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Like I said, we still don’t know much about Brandy’s past, but he certainly has certain situations that are uncomfortable to him and we’ve definitely learned how to communicate with each other. In other word’s, we worked with a trainer to learn dog signals and to teach him how to find calmness and trust, yet somethings are a non-negotiable for him. Guess what- I get it! As a woman, I wish I was as strong as he was setting those limits. For example, Brandy does not like to be confined in a small space with people hovering over him. He HATES loud noises. When these things occur, if necessary he mail give a little growl to let us know he is setting boundaries and removes himself to a safe space. I’m learning it is OK to give people a little “back-off” warning and remove myself from a situation that does not serve me.
Be loyal and honorable. I am my harshest critic and I don’t normally set new year resolutions because I live one day to the next trying to be better–be kinder, listen more, laugh more, give more, etc. One thing I am terrible about is being loyal and honorable to MYSELF. I always try to do right by others, and I don’t always get it right, but I try. When it comes to myself, I am terrible about honoring the promises I make to myself. So this year, instead of promising to lose weight or donate more of my time, I am working on keeping promises to myself! As I watch my dog and his loyalty to his people, I notice that when he feels most peaceful inside that his willingness to trust us showed on the outside. It’s a simple lesson, find peace inside and the rest will follow.
Stop and sniff. This is one of the hardest lessons for me. As a work-oriented, go, go go Capricorn, I need to be intentional about stopping and taking in the world around me. On our daily walks, I always want to forge ahead and get my steps and burn calories. There are many moments where Brandy will stop dead in his tracks and sniff. He looks at me like, “Ma, would you just appreciate the world around you for a second?!” Wow…..just wow. Such simple logic, but so true! This morning I stopped each time he did and looked at all of the blue jays, cardinals, and norther woodpeckers that are native here. I listened to the gently flowing stream cutting through the rocks in the woods. I felt the crisp air bite my cheeks. It was great and I came back in peace.
After hard work, rest. We just got back from our walk and Brandy is snoozing. Though I can’t nap every time I work hard, I can, however, and should recharge my body when it needs it. I have a tendency to “work”–job, household chores, mom duties, etc–until the point of exhaustion and then I’m a grouch. It is OK to sit down for five minutes or leave the vacuuming until tomorrow. There is no point to hard work unless you can enjoy the fruits of your labor, so sit back rest and recharge.

There are so many other things this goofball has taught me and, I’m sure, much more to come. Each day in every way I am thankful for what he teaches me and for what I learn. They say dog is man’s best friend, but I say, dog is mama’s best friend.