There are days…

There are days when I walk around my house and I just want to cry.  Handprints cover the windows, dirt is smugged on the light switches, and 6 loads of clean unfolded laundry pile up, daunting me.

Then, there are other days when I feel like I’m on top of the world.  My house is clean, meals are made, kids are happy, and hubby and I are snuggled in bed.

Most days are in between–a mix of disappointment in myself for not having sparkling counters and perfect vacuum lines on the floor and self-acceptance, for a working mother of three who is also in school for her masters.

I don’t know who, how, why or when the standard was set so high for me, but the fact is–those high standards scream at me on the daily.  I know they are in my head and really, a standard that most people think I’m crazy for trying to obtain, but nonetheless, they are standards I aim to live by.

If anything this blog has taught me, it is that there are other people out there, plagued by the same pressures that I feel.  If I were to step out of myself and talk to someone like me, I’d say, “lighten up!”

Alas, I’m stuck in the same vicious cycle of it is never enough.  This past week, I’ve really started to make a conscious effort to be kinder to myself.  I am taking time to prepare healthier things for my body and integrate stress-relieving exercise when I can.  Maybe next week I will work on that internal dialogue that tells me my house is too messy and my kids are too spoiled.  The next week after, maybe I’ll even talk myself out of feeling like a lousy friend, sister, and daughter.  Nonetheless, I’ll try….each day I’ll try.  Life, if nothing else, is a series of experiments. We try, we fail, we try again, and find success.

I’ll start small by reopening my practice of daily gratitude.  Today I am thankful for my spirit of self-reflection.  I am thankful for the blessings of healthy and bold children.  I am thankful for a husband that makes me laugh.

One day at a time….that is all I can do…take life one day at a time.

Let me dial it back…

Today I had the opportunity to meet with my son’s principal to discuss the issue that I had last week.  If nothing, I always aim to be someone who can call herself out on her shit…  Honestly, I must say I enjoyed this meeting which was both productive and informative, and I must correct a HUGE error in miscommunication.

Let me back up a little…

Before the great detention event of 2019, JT received what is known as a blue slip.  Basically, a blue slip is a reflection form that kids fill out after a “behavior” incident.  This slip then gets sent home for a parent signature. On JT’s particular form, the teacher stated, “John is out of control.  He talks constantly and ignores my warnings.”  Aside from being extremely annoyed at my son, which I addressed, I was really concerned that this teacher had allowed him to get to a point that was “out of control” and never having once reached out to me.  I emailed the teacher right away and she said that basically, he had an off week and that there wasn’t anything to worry about.  Soooo…..why didn’t she just say that????

Anyways, after that and other communication issues, I was on high alert when detention-gate occurred.  Fast forward to JT’s text informing me of his detention….when I got his text I promptly called the school and left a message with the secretary.   While I was leaving my message, the principal was in the process of sending me an email to inform me about JT and then had a meeting with teachers, etc.  Much later she got the message that I called.  When I got the email from her, I wrongly assumed that she ignored my call in an attempt to avoid me and sent me that email.  In frustration, I sent my scathing, though somewhat warranted email.

Needless to say, I explained this gross miscommunication on my part to her, apologized

profusely, and ate crow!

All of that aside, she agreed that I did have a lot of legitimate issues that she also apologized for and assured me that she was working on to improve the lines of communication between school and parent.

I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn’t have been so quick to let my Italian/Armenian temper get the best of me.  Yet, on the other hand, I am glad I spoke up because she said I brought to light some issues that she is addressing.

The job of education, especially that of an administrator is not easy.  You have to always think of the kids, listen to teachers, and appease pain in the ass parents like me.  I get it, I’m in the shit, too, and I would NEVER want to be a principal.  I still feel strongly that Scituate needs to work on improving all communication to parents and really think about updating the behavior policies they have in place.  It isn’t 1950, now is it?

I am glad, though, that Dr. Napolitano took the time to meet and talk, REALLY talk with me.  I felt heard and hopeful that positive things are on the horizon for Scituate Middle School.

 

 

Consequences…..Natural, Logical, and Timely

So this happened today…

 

Now before I go into my tirade about the Scituate Middle school, let me preface it by saying that I am NOT a mom who coddles here kids.  I am a hard-ass mom who believes in teaching her kids the natural consequences to their actions.  I am also a mom that is real about how her kids can act.  I don’t make excuses….EVER.  Having said that, JT has in the past been a kid in elementary school that was a bit of a joker.  If he had an audience he’d perform, but this year, his grades and report card indicates otherwise.  Yet, old habits die hard, so maybe he did something but as evidenced by not only the text I’m showing but our lengthy conversation, he had NO idea why he received this detention.

So, I call the school.  The admin assistant picks up and says that the principal will call me back in a few minutes.  She never does…..  I sit down to check my email and I see this:

Mrs. Twiggs,

John’s name was mentioned in a conversation with the teacher covering Mrs. Derosiers ELA class on January 15.   

As per the Apollo team policy which states that if a substitute leaves a student’s name for disciplinary reasons, he was assigned a detention for Monday February 4th.

First of all, she didn’t ask why I called, she simply assumed the reason for my call  AND furthermore, I asked for a return phone call, not an ambiguous email.  Professionalism 101 Dr. N!

Heated, I hit the keyboard with this response:

Dr. Napolitano,

I was hoping that you would call me back so we could have a conversation, as I have more questions regarding this situation.

First of all, if JT deserves detention for doing something wrong, then I agree, that he should face the consequences.  However, as both you and I know, leading child development experts tell us that consequences for children need to be (a) natural, (b) logical, and (c) timely in order to be effective.  Clearly, this is not a timely consequence for his action and makes no sense to punish a kid for something that happened over 2 weeks ago.

Furthermore, he has no recollection of what the offending behavior was.  Once again, detention is NOT the natural or logical consequence for a behavior that he has no recollection committing.  

Believe me, education is the TOP priority in our household and I only expect respectful behavior of my children.  Furthermore, I know my son more than you think and I know he is a kid who does talk too much and gets silly.  That is beside the point….

 When the “policies” are not clear to both parent and student, and the communication between school and parent is poor, how can we expect the student to correct any behavior?  Consistency is key, is it not?

I asked JT recall any and all times that he would deserve detention to which he was very honest.  He tried to recall any possible time when he may have deserved detention in vain, but could not think of any time.  He only remembers receiving a yellow slip 2 or 3 times (which to my knowledge is related to being unprepared) and one blue slip.   Also, he stated that he thinks the yellow slip policy re-sets every semester.  Regarding the blue slip and my email last week, if my son is in fact “out of control” I would expect the Scituate Middle School to communicate with me immediately by phone so we could remedy the situation.  Again, the behavior system that Scituate Middle School makes absolutely no sense to me at all and is inconsistent at best.

I have my written notes from the meeting at the end of the last school year and there are no notes where parents were given an explanation of the behavior system.  In addition, I would have attended the open house, but the because of the lackluster communication of the Scituate Middle School and the several corrections about corrections, I was unable to make appropriate arrangements for my other children and rearrange my schedule.  I, too, work full time as a high-school teacher, raise a family of three, and I’m in the process of obtaining my masters.  Though I appreciate the daily announcement emails, I would appreciate if the important emails about times like open house and safety incidents at school were communicated clearly and timely.  

In my estimation, a simple name “mention” from a substitute is not sufficient to warrant detention over TWO WEEKS later, especially when the specifics of the incident were not made clear to the child.  Great job teaching our kids about accountability, not!

Having expressed my extreme displeasure, I will still go forward with JT’s detention on Monday because I want him to realize that if in fact, he did do something wrong, he must face the consequences, but I am less than pleased about the way things have been handled in several circumstances this year.

I would appreciate a response from you with a detailed description of the behavioral expectations and systems so I can review them with my son because clearly, the Scituate Middle School has failed my son in this capacity.

Regards,

Angela M Twiggs

So, I eagerly wait for my response.  Needless to say, this year with the Scituate Middle School has been egregiously frustrating.  This is not the first incident of poor communication about both health and safety issues.

I’m trying really hard to keep it in perspective.  After all, I am in the trenches too, but you bet your ass if I’m having a difficult time with a student, the parent is the FIRST member of the learning team that I call.

The saga continues….