If you have ever read my blog before and thought to yourself, “is this about me?”, well….chances are yes–or at least something that recently occurred between you and I inspired what I wrote. I’ve said it many times, but my blog is simply like a diary for me. It is s place that I go to share things that impact me–good or bad, joyful or sad, happy or mad. And though I may or may not directly mention your name, I share all of my experiences, because I truly believe that the millions of other people that inhabit this earth might have experienced something similar to me and I want them to know–YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So, yes, there it is…if you are wondering, my blog was at the very least inspired by you. Which leads me to my next point…
There are so many things I love about living in a small town. We share a closeness with our fellow town families and are united by a small town vibe. I not only get to know my kids’ friends, but I get to know their families and extended families–so much so– that some feel like part of my own. I love the small town events and get togethers where everyone knows everyone. My small town always feels safe and loved. Really, it is a great place to live and raise a family.
However, there are a few things that I hate about living in a small town…. I ABSOLUTELY HATE how everyone is up in everyone’s business. One set of my neighbors goes back and forth between being pleasant to me and grunting at me because she just simply can’t keep her damned nose to herself! I am disappointed by the lack of diversity and the unwelcoming way we treat “outsiders”. I get bothered by the upper middle class mindset of entitlement, expectation, and general lack of awareness. If your biggest problem is that Starbucks is out of your favorite blend– you really need to get out of here and see more of the world. Finally, I really, really, REALLY can’t stand when people think that they know me, and therefore have a say in how I live my life, who I associate with, and have expectations for what I do. You do you and I do me…..
What does all of that mean? Well….I really enjoy low maintenance friendships. With ever fiber of my being I have what I would consider low expectations for my friends. I don’t need to see you every day. I love you enough and I’m confident enough in what we share that when I see you next we will pick up right where we left off. My friendship is just not that fragile. If you don’t feel the same, I’m sorry….but I can’t handle someone who needs to be doing what I do at every minute of every day. Don’t expect me to call you when I plan a date night with my husband or do something with another set of friends. BUT….PLEASE UNDERSTAND….this is not because I don’t love you or hanging out with you, it is is simply because I am just too GOD DAMNED BUSY to pick up the phone every-time I go somewhere and do something!
Having said that, you must understand, that my life is also an open invite. If you see me doing something somewhere, JOIN US! Please, just show up! I live in a help yourself world. Show up and say hi! If we are truly friends, you get this about me. You know that if you drive by my house and see that car of another friend, you can and SHOULD stop in! And if at anytime you feel uncertain…drop me a text and I’ll say COME OVER! While I do understand that there are people who appreciate a more formal invite, I will and have, created more formal opportunities to get together, but by all accounts this occurs far more less. Either learn to crash my party or perhaps learn to live without my company. I really hope you choose the former, but I’ll understand if its the latter, because as I said–you do you!
Speaking of which-don’t feel like you need to invite me or my family to everything you do. I UNDERSTAND that you and “Betty” were sitting there chatting and said, let’s do this with the kids on Sunday. It is OK….my kids and I are secure enough that we will still love you even if you “forget” us. Furthermore, we even get it if you’ve had enough of us! Tom and I have really tried to teach our kids self awareness so that, as a family, we know we can be a lot! Trust me if the Jones and Smith families decide to go white water rafting and fail to invite the Twiggs–I won’t make you feel guilty–I’ll find something else do do. When you are done, let me know, maybe we can meet for dinner or drinks another day and I’d love to hear about the fun! Trust me, I am happy for you when you live your life.
Having had a year where we’ve lost loved ones, you clearly see the frailty of life. When I say I am happy for you to be enjoying what you do, I mean it. If I could go back in time, yes, I’d spend more time with my mother-in-law and I’d make NO apologies to anyone for choosing to do that. So now, when I choose to spend my time with someone and it doesn’t include you, it simply is because I really need to spend time with that other person. I can’t explain it, but the universe has called me to them and I won’t say sorry if I failed to ask you to join. It was more important for me to answer that intuitive pull.
Therefore, if the universe has pulled me somewhere and I’ve had to decline an invitation from you–please, please, please FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY don’t give me shit! I do what I want to do. I’m a 43 year old mother of three, and my own mother still can’t tell me what to do! Again- my love for you is simply not that fragile. If I feel this deep down need to be somewhere else, it is because my gut has sent me in that direction. If you don’t believe in intuition or the divine power of the universe, then you will never understand me. I lead by instinct.
I am a creature that needs space and freedom. I cannot live in the confines of your expectations. I have always questioned the little boxes that society tries to put us in. Interestingly enough, I live in a community where there are so many little boxes. I don’t fit in one. My family does not fit in one. We have lots of friends and family from all over the place. If you only want us if we fit in your box under your guidelines, then maybe we aren’t for you. And that is OK.
I have always believe that people have a seat at our table of life for a season and a reason. When I was a young girl in college, I had a good many friends, some of whom I haven’t spoken to since then. That is OK. They were there at that time for that reason. Do I think of them? Yes. Do I miss them? In a manner of speaking. But, do we still need to be in each others’ lives? No. The universe puts people in our life for a time and reason…and I trust in that.
Of course I’m sure someone will read this and get offended- that is human nature. It is not meant to hurt anyone, but to simply explain that I understand if our friendship no longer fills your needs. It is OK. My free spirit can’t live in those confines anyways. If you read this and say, “YES, I get it now!”; even better! Hit me up and we can pick up where we left off! Finally – if you live in a community like mine or have a group of friends that also experience the ebbs and flows like mine–than I’ve done my job. I’ve connected our simple human existence. Living our lives with more intention and understanding, to me, is the key to healthy and happy relationships.
Peace and love! xoxo
#all4’7#ofme #smalltownliving #friendship
All 4'7" of me 